The Best and Worst Wetherspoons Toilets in Cardiff - Gair Rhydd (with Luke Tonkinson)

It is undeniable that Wetherspoons is a staple of British culture. Cheap booze, piss on the toilet floor, and a range of patrons from students to creepy old men. What more could you possibly need? It is not unknown that Wetherspoons like their toilets better designed than their actual seating areas. We may not be the Loo of the Year Awards, but we have visited every Wetherspoons in Cardiff to tell you which five have the best toilets, with an honourable mention for the worst toilet. 

Our (dis)honourable mention for the worst Wetherspoons toilets in all of Cardiff has to go to The Ivor Davies. The Canton-based restrooms replicate the energy of a service station toilet, but are less spacious and more unpleasant on the nostrils. Once you ascend the flight of stairs, you are greeted with suspiciously wet floors, and the beautiful stench of urine. By the time you reach the toilets, you will probably conclude that the nearby carpark is a more sanitary location. 

Our choice for the fifth best Wetherspoons toilets in Cardiff is none other than the famous, the popular, the student-infested Central Bar. Whilst the toilet’s colour scheme for the women’s is slightly eccentric, the facility includes chairs and mirrors where you can fix your makeup, or sit and wait for the friend who actually needed to pee. Whilst more conventional than the women’s, the men’s toilets offer everything a man could need, including stalls, sinks, urinals and a condom machine. These spacious toilets are barebones but get the job done, whilst remaining more hygienic than other toilet options.

Coming in a strong fourth, we have the Gatekeeper. More central than central bar, these toilets are spacious, and provide a variety of stall options for the women’s. The main reason these toilets do not rank higher is, whilst it is rare that you will ever have to queue, the toilets are less artistic than the top three, and do not have the chairs that are typically featured in the women’s toilets of a wetherspoons. For a change, the men’s and women’s are quite similar at this Spoons. Featuring a large space, the men’s provides a comfortable space to express yourself in, as all men are wont to do.

Sticking to the theme, the Great Western takes the bronze, featuring a stunning image of a steam train in the men’s toilets, making for a truly inspiring environment. Being spacious and welcoming, the one downfall of the women’s toilets is the bizarre image of a pair of blue eyes that watch you as you walk to the stalls. Whilst disturbing, the eyes do not take too much away from the otherwise beautiful interior of the women’s toilets. For that reason, the Great Western is the third best Wetherspoons toilets in Cardiff.

After much debate, we gave the consolation prize to the Mount Stuart. Featuring beautiful stone sinks in both toilets, the Mount Stuart arguably demonstrates the most toilet gender equality through the segregated urinals, which really makes the most of the male space. The black and white contrast in the male toilet’s creates a nice, modern design. With a beautiful wooden blue design, the combination of the stall doors and sinks makes this one of the prettiest women’s wetherspoons toilets in Cardiff. 

Coming as no surprise to the women readers, the Ernest Willows takes the lead with the incredibly spacious women’s toilets, featuring sofas and a water fountain. From the moment you enter, it is obvious that for women, the Ernest Willows toilets deserve to be on top. The men’s are less glamorous, but the space is still very pleasant, feeling more like a health spa, something that numerous men could definitely benefit from, than a Wetherspoons toilet.

Something that the male writer of this article noticed on our adventure is the clear divide between the male and female Wetherspoons toilet offerings. Oftentimes, the men’s toilets are quite barebones, offering nothing but the basics. The women’s meanwhile are usually decorated better and offer stools, sofas and, in the Ernest Willows, a fountain. This is an injustice that must be rectified. Sir Tim Martin, do better. 

We hope you, as students, take all of this into consideration when choosing which Wetherspoons to go to next.